The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
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i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
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Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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