I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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