the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left an ass print on the piano.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
this is an emotional support booty call
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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