And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
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Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My liver is preforming stress tests.
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