I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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