I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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