I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This house was built for laser tag.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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