mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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