enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
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on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
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I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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