Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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