I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Randomize