I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
