I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
