Don't make out with my wife yet
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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