Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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