He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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