I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
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dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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