I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
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You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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