erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
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My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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