How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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