Pants 0. Shit 1.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize