I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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