Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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