i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
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When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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