Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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