The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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