i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize