Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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