If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize