just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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