There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just pee around me
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize