shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
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I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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