the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize