Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
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Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
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Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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