to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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