if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
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Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
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well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
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