don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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