i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
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Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
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Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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