do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize