I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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