Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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