I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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