remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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