i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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