Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize