you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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