I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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