I could have mohawked her pubes.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
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Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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