We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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