How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
