I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize