I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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